Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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