Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
