Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
