I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
