I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
