oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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