i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
