you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
