i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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