what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
