I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think people are normalizing furries
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
