Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's never too late to be topless.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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