I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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