We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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