I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
