We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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