I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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