She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
