Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
