I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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