Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
