I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
