I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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