Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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