smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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