I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
