I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
