so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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