I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
