2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
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Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
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I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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