Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This is the high leading the old right now
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
