he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
