hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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