Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
