tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
