I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
