don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
