she looked like the before picture.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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