He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
