I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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