An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
