this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
