You can't motorboat a personality
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
