i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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