So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the day after is always just damage control
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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