My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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