A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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