Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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