Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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