Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
