This is not my ceiling
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
