Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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