i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
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She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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