So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
