Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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