I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
