I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
