we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
