Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
