FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
