This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
