I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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