Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
