JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just google imaged poop.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
