I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
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Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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