Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
